Sunday, January 18, 2004

With A Snap Of Your Fingers You Can Make A Girl Cry Day!

That shouldn't be read figuratively. No one's saying you always say the wrong thing or you're always toying with girls' emotions. The deal is this: The man you think is your father is actually not your father. Your mother had an affair with a cold, dark entity that took the form of her continuing education calligraphy instructor. Thankfully, your mother was a good woman and her spirit combated most of the evil that stirred inside her womb. But you did inherit some of your father's qualities. His good looks for one. His swagger. His drive to conquer, that's starting to show in your archery. And of course, his ability to make a girl cry simply by snapping his fingers.

Try it out and you'll see. Start at Rite Aid. When the girl behind the counter speaks to you in an absent, sleepy murmur, snap your fingers and watch her crumple into a sob. Next, do it to your mom. Call her on her cell and say things like, "Mom, I love you and I hope I'm making you proud. That's all I've ever wanted to do." Your mom'll assume you're drunk and will probably crack a joke about you being a sloppy little homo. That's when you snap your fingers and listen to her breath get choppy with tears. She'll say, "I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me." You can tell her that she must have been overcome with emotion after hearing you speak so sincerely. She'll try to deny it, but you can just say, "Then why you cryin'?" She won't have an answer.

Next, do it to your girlfriend. Right after you beat her at thumb wrestling. Snap your fingers and watch her palms fly up to cup her face. Accuse her of being a sore loser. "And if there's one type of girl I never wanna go steady with, it's a sore loser!" say. She'll beg you not to go so don't.

Next, the ball's in your court. There's 18 million women on the planet. Which one do you wanna see turn into a blubbering mess? If the answer is no one, you're either a liar or a kind person.

Happy With A Snap Of Your Fingers You Can Make A Girl Cry Day!