Jeff The Cripple Day!
Jeff the cripple can't walk and he's getting used to it.
"I have to admit, at first I was kind of jealous of the majority of my fellow man," says Jeff. "But then I remembered that I have a lot more money than a lot people."
"I have thirty seven million dollars."
Jeff can't fuck.
"Oh yeah," says Jeff. "Yeah, that still kinda irks me. It makes me feel kind of…um…"
Jeff feels inadequate. A sad excuse for a man.
"Hey!" says Jeff.
Jeff likes to keep magicians around the house.
"I've always been a huge fan of magic. Houdini. Henning."
Jeff spent most of his life trying to earn enough money to destroy his father, a world-renowned financier who abandoned Jeff and his mother when Jeff was five.
"This accident was a big setback in my efforts to dismantle my father's empire and smile while I'm doing it," says Jeff. "Not that I need to walk to continue to amass wealth. But not being able to walk and…everything else…it just left me kind of depressed for a long time. I had to take a break to reevaluate things. Try to remember what's really important. In the end, I concluded that nothing is more important than taking my father down."
Jeff gets sad.
"I'd just like to be left alone for a while, if you don't mind."
Happy Jeff The Cripple Day!