You run a website called National Heartbreak. It’s basically an electronic classifieds section that announces to its subscribers when a love has died. People go on National Heartbreak to announce their breakups, their divorces, their long-standing secret crushes that were confessed and found to be unrequited. You take their listings and post them on National Heartbreak, letting the entire nationwide subscriber base mourn the lost love alongside the heartbroken. It’s an obituary page for the heart, and it’s made you a very rich man.
Unfortunately, the site’s success has required more and more of your undivided attention, which is why today you’re going to be taken aback when you see your own name in a listing. Your wife has had enough and she paid her $37 to let the nation know that the boundless love she once felt for you has officially run its course. After you’re done scrolling through the condolences in her comments section, maybe clock out early to go home and talk through logistics of who gets the dog.
Happy National Heartbreak Day!