Friday, January 13, 2012

Kevin And Lucy Day!

Today everyone named Kevin was meant to be with someone named Lucy, but the Kevins all chose to marry someone named Sabrina instead, just because the Sabrinas had fun underpants.

Everyone named Lucy sometimes think about everyone named Kevin, and they want to kill all the Sabrinas.

Everyone named Lucy will take a glance down at their own underpants, and they’ll see it fraying at the waist-line, and the elastic around the thighs will be a little looser than when they bought them.

Everyone named Lucy will say, “That’s it!” Then everyone named Lucy will rush out to an underpants store and buy new pairs of very sexy underpants that are nothing but fun.

When they get home, everyone named Lucy will gather all their old underpants into a brown paper bag and get ready to incinerate them. Staring into the bag, everyone named Lucy will realize that buying new underpants isn’t the solution.

“New underpants fray,” everyone named Lucy will whisper into their bags of old underpants. “Mine always do. Sabrina’s surely did too.”

Everyone named Lucy will realize that everyone named Kevin probably watched the underpants worn by everyone named Sabrina turn to so much ratty ruined rags within months of getting married.

“Now he’s stuck with her,” everyone named Lucy will say.

The Lucys will feel sorry for the Kevins. The Lucys will feel sorry for the Sabrinas too. The Lucys will try to feel sorry for themselves, but they’ll be too overwhelmed with sadness for the Kevins and the Sabrinas.

“He just wanted to marry someone with fun underwear, and she just wanted someone to find a reason to marry her,” all the Lucys in the world will say. If you’re outside and it’s windy, you’ll probably hear some of them.

Happy Kevin And Lucy Day!