Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Be An Airline Pilot Who Can’t Stop Thinking He Should Have Married Laraine Day!

Today you’re an airline pilot who can’t stop thinking you should have married Laraine, the woman you dated for two years just after college. Before every flight, you check the passenger manifest to see if there’s anyone named Laraine on board. Even if the last name isn’t the same, you assume maybe she remarried, so you walk through the cabin to see if it’s her. It never is. Then when you deliver your address to the cabin, you close with “If anyone on this plane is friends or colleagues with Laraine Mancini, please tell her Jeff feels like he made a big mistake when he decided to take that job in Atlanta instead of staying with her in Chicago. Tell her if she’s still single, he’d like a second chance.”

No one’s ever claimed to have heard of Laraine Mancini, until today. A man is going to be brought into your cockpit and tell you that he is Laraine.

“Or I used to be,” he’ll say.

“You got a sex change?” you’ll ask. “It was really good!”

“Yeah,” he’ll say. “But really, you shouldn’t feel like you have anything to regret. It would never have worked out with us. I wasn’t who I was meant to be. It took me many years to find that out.”

“I’m shocked,” you’ll say. “But I’m glad you found yourself. Do you still ski?”

He’ll say, “Not as much as I’d like. I’d better get back to my seat. Please, move on. Make the best life you can make for yourself.”

He’ll kiss you gently on your cheek. Tell him thank you for coming up and speaking to you. You’ll know he isn’t Laraine since Laraine’s father died in a skiing accident and she’s found skiing to be horrific ever since. You know he’s just some dude on your plane who went out of his way to help you move on, and maybe knowing your passengers care enough to do something like that for you is enough for you to finally forget about Laraine. Laraine may be gone forever, but your passengers are always right there for you, ready to go wherever you’re taking them.

Happy Be An Airline Pilot Who Can’t Stop Thinking He Should Have Married Laraine Day!