Satanists want your buddy Greg.
“We want to sacrifice him,” the HSIC (head Satanist in charge) will tell you.
You’ll try to shake Greg awake. He fell asleep on the bar an hour ago.
“Why Greg?” you ask.
“The Dark Lord demands the sacrifice of someone pure,” the HSIC answers. “If you catch my drift.“
"A virgin?” you ask. “Are you crazy? Greg’s 25. He’s bragged about banging wads of chicks.“
"Apparently, your friend doesn’t trust you enough to be honest with you,” he says. “We will take him one week from tonight when the red moon burns bright.”
When Greg wakes up you relate what the satanists told you, expecting him to laugh.
“I just never got around to it,” Greg says.
“Well now look what your laziness got you. We have one week to get you laid or you’re going to be sacrificed to the devil!”
“Shit,” Greg says.
So begins a madcap week in which you try to hook Greg up with various women hoping for an erotic connection (Greg won’t go to prostitutes as he doesn’t want to contribute to the human trafficking economy), and the satanists constantly show up to cock-block Greg right when it looks like he’s about to get some.
Don’t give up. Don’t slow down. Get your friend Greg laid. The Dark Lord craves him.
Happy Time To Get Your Buddy Greg Laid Day!