Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Caramels Day!

Dan loved you so he used his vast wealth to open a store where you could sell your caramels.

“Maybe I just have trouble accepting kindness from a loved one,” you tell the cashier, a senior in high school, who you’ve been sleeping with in the store’s kitchen area.

“Let’s have sex again,” the cashier says, pulling off the skirt you just put back on.

When Dan comes in and finds the two of you he takes a pan of caramels and throws them at the wall.

You feel terrible about having hurt him when he was always good to you. You feel even worse when he gives you full ownership of the caramel store in the divorce. You vow to not waste his generosity.

You fire your cashier and replace him with your middle-aged aunt who needs the work, and you put all of your strength and energy into making the business thrive. Before long, The Caramel Lady caramels is a nationwide household name, and every time someone opens a box, they can read the company’s origin story on the lid: The Caramel Lady was a terrible wife, a cheater and a liar. The secret ingredient in every one of her caramels is the sorrow she feels for how she treated her sweet, generous ex-husband Dan, a man far too good to be married to someone as horrible as The Caramel Lady.

Happy Caramels Day!