Thursday, June 20, 2013

Sex Town, Population You, Me, And My Friend Leland If You’re Cool With It Day!

Tonight you’re going to be celebrated as a genius in the field of nightlife pickup artistry. You’re going to debut your new pickup line, “Hey girl, how’d you like to take a trip to Sex Town, Population You, Me, and my friend Leland if you’re cool with it?”

The first girl you try it out on, a blonde with arms that won’t quit, immediately asks, “Wait, who’s Leland?”

You point to Leland, a weird looking man in the corner of the bar.

“Is he wearing fake eyebrows?”

“He shaved his off because he liked the fake ones he saw at the Halloween store, yes,” you tell her.

She tells you if Leland is a citizen of Sex Town, then she’s definitely not going there.

That’s when you call Leland over and demand he show you the deed to his house. Leland complies, and she observes that the address plainly reads, “Sex Town.” You ignite a Zippo lighter and set fire to the deed.

“Hey!” Leland shouts.

You tell Leland he’s not wanted in Sex Town anymore, and he should go find someplace else to live. Leland looks defeated. He says he’ll do as you say.

“You kicked that man out of his own home, for me?” the girl asks.

“His childhood home,” you tell her. “His dad built it with his bare hands. But if it keeps you from taking a trip to Sex Town, tough.”

The girl says she’s flattered and she’d be happy to take a trip to Sex Town. You tell her to follow you in your car, and you lead her to a great B&B just off the main drag of Sex Town. She checks into her room and you wish her good night and go back to your apartment. In the morning she meets you for brunch, and over the course of conversation the two of you realize you don’t really have that much in common.

She thanks you for showing her around Sex Town and the two of you wish each other well.

Happy Sex Town, Population You, Me, And My Friend Leland If You’re Cool With It Day!