Tuesday, May 08, 2012

You Once Had Sex In An Abandoned Refrigerator Day!

You had to keep your sex hidden from your families and friends because it was interracial sex and back then no one would approve so you found a refrigerator and crawled inside. The people who had thrown out the refrigerator hadn’t taken the door off its hinges, which was irresponsible and dangerous but lucky for you since the door provided privacy. You pulled it shut, making sure to prop the latch so it didn’t lock, and then you proceeded to have an afternoon of ribald, interracial, inside-a-refrigerator sex. It was magical, forbidden, and cramped. The passion unfortunately got the better of you because upon finishing, when you went to open the door, you discovered the latch had slipped shut and you were locked in.

“We’ll die in here,” you said.

“Because the world wouldn’t let us love,” he said.

You decided that if you were going to die, you might as well die having all the sex you’ll never be able to have again. So you used the remaining oxygen and what little space you had at your disposal to have interracial sex in as many positions as you could bend yourselves into. When neither of you had another orgasm left to enjoy and the last of the oxygen was almost gone, some delinquent kids who were setting cats on fire in the area wandered by and pulled the refrigerator door open. They then laughed and hit you with sticks while you scurried out of the fridge and back into your clothes.

You never saw each other again. The connection you made in that refrigerator, pretzeled together in the throes of death, was too strong, the intimacy too deep. You knew if you continued your relationship together you’d just race to the nearest abandoned refrigerator to try and recapture that feeling, risking your lives all over again. So you parted ways, for your own safety.

“And that’s why you should always take the doors off refrigerators before you throw them away,” you conclude at the end of your seventeen-minute TEDTalk, Sex, Racial Politics, and the Looming Threat of Discarded Appliances.

Happy You Once Had Sex In An Abandoned Refrigerator Day!