Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Sleeping In The Same Bed As Another Person Day!

Get nude then go under the covers feet first.

Put your hands on your favorite part of the other person. If you are okay with kissing (most aren’t) kiss.

Ask each other about each other’s tattoos. Say one of yours has something to do with a friend who died. Cry a little.

Yank or punch your least favorite part of the other person. They should be doing the same to you. Tell each other what disgusts you about each other. It’s time to break out the smoothies.

Smoothies are a treat for people who are performing well in bed so if your partner isn’t performing satisfactorily, withhold their smoothie.

Turn on an action movie at full volume then penetrate each other in some fashion (Google the ways) screaming as loud as you like because of the action movie.

When you both stop screaming, pull yourselves apart and turn off the action movie unless it’s “Heat.”

Load and cock your handguns and stuff them under your respective pillows. Turn on the video camera and turn off the light. Tell each other something nice so you each dream about nice things (kittens, health insurance).

Fall asleep. When you wake up review the video recording to see if any wraiths entered the room to try and steal your fingernails while you were asleep again. Don’t speak to each other in the morning. You’ll only give voice to your shame.

Happy Sleeping In The Same Bed As Another Person Day!