Growing up you used to be embarrassed about your dad being an alcoholic. Now that you’re an alcoholic dad yourself, you regret all those times that you refused to bring friends over because you were afraid of them to see your dad. You know how it feels when your kids make a point of hiding you from their friends, and you feel like hell that you made your dad feel the same way. Give him a call and tell him.
“Hello who’s this? What now?” your dad will say.
“Dad,” you’ll say. “It’szzz me. Yer sssshon.” You’re slurring badly.
“Ssssshon? What’szzz wrong now?” he’s slurring badly too.
“Jushhht wannnna say shorrry,” you’ll say. “Shorry fer…shtuff.”
“What shtuff?” he’ll ask.
“Don’t remember,” you’ll say, laughing. “Can’t ‘member why I called.”
Then, almost in sync with each other, you and your dad will both pass out and drop your phones to the ground. Your kids will find it a couple hours later when they come home. They’ll pick up the phone and hear their grandfather snoring on the other end. Then they’ll hang up the phone and go upstairs to cry in their bedrooms.
Happy Your Alcoholic Dad Day!