Your daughter is dating a boring guy named Ben Jamison who says that he is in “accounts.” But your daughter says that the only reason he seems so boring is because he was in the witness relocation program and people are still after him.
“He told you that?” you ask your daughter.
“Of course not. He’d be killed,” your daughter says.
According to your daughter, there’s no way she could feel what she feels for Ben if he didn’t have some secret past that he’s trying to keep hidden, which is why he has to present himself as the least interesting person she’s ever met.
“Are you sure you’re not just inventing this secret past for him in order for you to settle for this guy?” you ask your daughter.
Your daughter says, “Watch this.”
She claps a book shut hard so that it sounds like a gunshot. In the living room, Ben immediately drops to the floor, whips a pistol out of his boot and fires twelve rounds through the bay window.
“I’ll never doubt you again,” you tell your daughter. “You got yourself a real livewire there.”
“Thanks Daddy,” she’ll beam up at you.
Happy Your Daughter Might Be Dating a Relocated Witness Day!