You’ve discovered a map that indicates there is an ancient treasure hidden deep underground on a hill in California. Turns out they built a rehab center on top of it, and the only way to get to that treasure is to admit yourself into rehab.
While you bide your time, inspecting the grounds and waiting for the right moment to bust through the basement, you’re going to have to attend the group therapy sessions where you’ll learn quite a lot about yourself. For example, the reason you turned to a life of crime is because your father favored your older brother who died on his Prom Night. And the reason you keep having to steal money to buy more cocaine is because you keep running out of cocaine because you’re addicted to cocaine.
When you finally find the treasure you’ll discover that it’s cursed and you’ll be killed and turned into a ghost forced to haunt the rehab center and that’s how you’ll become “The Ghost Of Shimmering Lake Rehabilitation and Rejuvenation Retreats (We Now Take Discover).”
Happy Treasure Rehab Day!