Monday, September 28, 2009

Airplane Dance Number Day!

You're on a plane with 83 people who coordinated a dance number to be performed on the plane so that they can get big numbers on Youtube and then get their shit played on a loop on Fox and Friends or some shit like that. You're the only one who doesn't know the moves and they're afraid you're going to ruin everything.

"You have to learn the steps," one of them, named Dusty, is telling you.

"But I'm playing in-flight trivia on my seat-back TV and winning big," you say.

"Who's playing in-flight trivia with this guy!" Dusty shouts. Then the passengers playing in-flight trivia argue that they're just trying to kill some time while you get convinced to learn the dance number. They point out that in-flight trivia really makes the time fly by, but Dusty counters that they all spent over $400 to be on this flight just to do the dance number and the dance number is what they're gonna do. The ones playing in-flight trivia say "fair enough" and they stop playing.

"Fuck!" you say. "I was killing it."

"Just learn the dance number and as soon as we get it on video, you can go back to watching the Office or whatever," Dusty says.

"But I can't dance," you say. "And this sounds gay as balls."

"Of course it's gay as balls," Dusty says. "You think a youtube clip can get played on TV if it isn't gay as balls? You see that one of those stocky people dancing down the aisle at that wedding?"

You concede Dusty's point.

"I really can't dance," you say.

Dusty tries to think of what to do to keep you from ruining everything.

"I got it," Dusty says. Then he beats you over the head until you're unconscious and stuffs you into the lavatory. They conduct their number while you're unconscious in there, but some turbulence knocks you off balance and you end up falling on your neck in a way that constricts the blood-flow to your head and you die in there. The tape of the dance number gets played on all the networks, day and night, to show what the rest of the passengers were doing while a man died in the airplane bathroom. The chyrons on the nightly news will read "Dance Of Death Flight" because no one at the studio could agree on what the chyrons should read so someone just typed something and shouted, "No more arguing!"

Happy Airplane Dance Number Day!