You hate seeing all these poor people walking around with no bike to ride. It breaks you heart to think of how many bikes there are in the world, and how they only ever go to people who can afford them. So whenever you see a bike left unlocked, or when you see one locked up with a lock that can be snapped with a bolt cutter, you steal the bike and give it to the poor.
It goes okay for a little while, but then when the poor person who was given one of your bikes leaves it unlocked or locked up with a lock that you can snap with a bolt cutter, you just steal the bike again and give it to some other member of the poor. On more than one occasion, the first poor person who got the bike would see the second poor person riding around on it and they would get into a fight. It’s not the outcome you had hoped for.
Today the unthinkable is going to happen. You’re going to steal a bike back from a member of the poor that you gave it to, then you’re going to give it to another member of the poor and the first member of the poor is going to kill the second member of the poor with an aluminum baseball bat. The killer poor will go to jail for life.
From now on, only steal bikes from bike shops. It’s the only way to hang onto the nickname the papers have given you: THE HUFFY ROBIN HOOD. It’s not a very good nickname, but you’ve never had a nickname before and you want to enjoy this one while it lasts.
Happy You Steal Bikes And Give Them To The Poor Day!