Your comic strip about a piece of strawberry shortcake that says hilarious things to other desserts is going nationally syndicated today and will appear in over 300 newspapers. Unfortunately, you’ve been telling the story of that piece of cake for the last four years in the local papers that have carried your strip. And the story is at the point where the piece of strawberry shortcake has to die. It’s going to die in a fire set by a child.
The folks who signed you to your syndication deal will not be pleased. They’ll protest that they contracted you for 900 more strips and you’ve just killed the main character with the very first one. Tell them this is what happens to pieces of strawberry shortcake sometimes, and it’s where the story was headed. Now, they needn’t worry because the coming strips will address the community’s reaction to the loss of their beloved piece of strawberry shortcake, and there will of course be a criminal inquiry, and a surprise visitor in the form of a talking can of chick peas.
“I’m telling a story,” you’ll tell them. “You were nice enough to give me a bigger microphone and I appreciate that. But this is the point in the story that we’re at right now, and I can’t drag out what don’t want to be drug.”
Your syndication company will sue you for breach of contract and they’ll take over ownership of the characters and hire a staff to write it, and that’s how Strawberry Shortcake will go on to be one of the most popular comic strips for the next forty years while you die slowly of alcohol poisoning.
Happy Because That’s What Happens To Pieces Of Strawberry Shortcake Day!