Just keep telling yourself that and maybe you’ll get to sleep tonight. Maybe you can forget all about the fact that you got bitten by some guy who you don’t remember how you know but he was in your email address book so now you’re friends and he had to go and turn out to be a goddamn fucking Facebook zombie and of course he ran straight over and bit you.
“FACEBOOK ZOMBIES AREN’T REAL!” you shout at the ceiling. “It’s just a web thing. That’s all.”
Just in case, you open your bedroom window and put your cat out on the fire escape so she can make a run for it if you get bloodthirsty. Your cat immediately runs up the steps to the roof like an idiot. Like you won’t immediately go up there and eat her should you become bloodthirsty. Fucking stupid cat.
“I’M NOT A ZOMBIE!” you shout into the darkness. Your roommate leans into your room to tell you to keep quiet. Just in case the zombies on Facebook are real and he got bitten, you’d better drive an axe into his neck and take his head off.
As the blood spurts into the air and the blade of your axe gets stuck in your roommate’s clavicle, you can’t help but wonder what the fuck was so bad about Friendster anyway.
Happy Those Vampires And Zombies On Facebook Aren’t Real Day!