Over the weekend you got mixed up in a pretty bad misunderstanding and you ended up putting your own eyes out.
“Lemme guess,” your optometrist will say.
“Please don’t,” you’ll say. “Is there anything you can do?”
“Since you were smart enough to heat up the knives beforehand, the wound is already pretty solid so I don’t have to sew anything up. That was good thinking.”
You’ll feel good about yourself. You’ve always been known for planning ahead. It’s what your Dad used to praise you for before you murdered him Saturday.
“I can give you some color contacts so you won’t look so gross.”
“Can you make my eyes blue? My Dad had blue eyes so…”
“So you figure your mom is into blue-eyed men?”
You’ll feel bad about yourself.
“Hey,” your optometrist will say. “I’m an optometrist. We don’t ask questions. And we don’t judge!”
He’ll plug some blue contacts over your dead eyes. They’ll look sort of like a burnt charcoal gray because of the deep black of the wounds on your eyeballs.
“You look handsome,” your optometrist will say. “Go get her.”
You’ll pay your co-pay and feel your way out the door.
Happy A Visit To The Optometrist Day!