Friday, April 13, 2007

Sportsmanship Day!

Today when you lose the big game because you throw like a girl, tell the other team’s star player that you only lost because you don’t really care about sports. Tell him you think books and being with family is far more important.

“I think you’re full of it,” he’ll say. “You would give up everything, even your ability to read, if you could be me for a day.”

Tell him he’s wrong. But that you are relatively certain the opposite is correct. Tell him you believe that he wishes there was more to his character than just being able to throw a ball. Tell him you believe he would like to be respected for something other than a physical talent. In short, tell him that you think he wishes that he could be you. During the pummeling that will ensue, tell him that his every punch confirms your suspicion, then quiet down and just admire his athletic prowess as the fists fly.

Tomorrow when the two of you wake up you’ll have switched bodies. You’ll be really good at sports (you’ll find out when a jock shoots a spitball at you and you duck out of the way really fast) and he’ll be really good at academics. You’ll both agree that this is exactly what you’ve both always wanted and you’ll do nothing to try and switch back. In the end, he’ll go off to Harvard and you’ll win the Homecoming game, then you’ll stay stuck in this dead-end town for the rest of your life with nothing more than a beer gut and a couple of kids to show for yourself.

Happy Sportsmanship Day!