Thursday, April 12, 2007

In Loving Memory Of Ray Ray Day!

You used to be in a street gang in the fifties. You were called “The Rough Stuffs.” You wore that on the back of your leather jackets and it let everyone in town know that if they messed with you guys, they were in for some rough stuff.

You got into lots of rumbles in your day. You’d rumble over which gang gets to hang out at the soda fountain in the afternoon, which gang gets to park their Thunderbirds in the senior parking lot at school, and which gang gets to occupy the dance floor during the sock hop. With every successive rumble the fighting seemed to get a little more violent with the stakes raised a little higher.

Eventually, you all started fighting with knives. Things came to a head when Ray Ray got killed. You were rumbling with a rival gang, The Bad News Paperboys, over which gang gets to sit in the back row at the movie house. The Bad News Paperboys cornered Ray Ray during the rumble and they used their switchblades to pry his eyes out of his skull, then they stabbed him in the belly twelve times. When he fell over, they stuffed a knife in his anus.

But you won the rumble. And today, like you do every year on this date, you’re going to take your 67-year-old self back to that movie house and take your seat in the back row. And if you see any members of the Bad News Paperboys, you’re going to shoot them in the face with the revolver in your front pocket. This rumble isn’t over as long as Ray Ray’s still dead.

Only problem is that old movie house is a Best Buy now, so instead of sitting in the back row, your turf is now the Mobile Devices section. Browse with your head held high Rough Stuffer!

Happy In Loving Memory Of Ray Ray Day!