You know how animals can see ghosts that humans can’t see? Like when a ghost enters a room, the first thing that happens is a dog will start barking or a cat will raise its fur and hiss, and the owner will ask “What’s wrong boy?” right before books start flying off the shelves or the TV reception gets sucky? The same thing happens anytime you pay a visit to one of your pet-owner friends and their dogs or cats get a look at your denied homosexuality, which is so obvious and blatant it almost takes the form of a glittery glow constantly hovering just off your right shoulder, and yet you still somehow manage to pretend it isn’t there.
“So I asked out Julia at work,” you’ll say. “I think she could be the one.”
“What’s wrong boy?” your friend will ask his dog, who is now barking and snarling at your denied homosexuality.
“She’s got the most divine gazongas,” you’ll say.
Your friend’s dog will snarl even more now. Foam will sputter from his snout.
“I think I might take her to the Clay Aiken concert. She’s that special to me,” you’ll say. Your friend’s dog will then bury his front half under the couch and whimper in fear.
“Boy what got his boxer-briefs in a bunch?” you’ll ask.
“Beats me,” your friend will say. “So I heard you’re learning to make your own sorbet."
Happy Animals Can See Your Homosexuality Just Like It Was A Hostile Ghost Day!
