Monday, July 14, 2003

Kissing On The Lips Day!

Kissing someone on the lips is a really fucking stupid idea and you could get your goddamn head blown off for doing it, especially if when you first start to kiss you only have one hand touching the person's hip and you worry that it might seem like you're about to put your hand on the person's ass so you move it further up to just above the waste, and then you realize that the person you're kissing isn't going to back down and you're thinking, "Well fuck if I'm gonna be the one to pussy out of this," even though you are in fact really frightened. But you keep on kissing and then you end up putting your other hand on the person's other side, but after a few seconds you slide that hand slowly down to the person's hip as if to say, "Ass: Mine!" And the person you're kissing is like, "Think I give a shit?" And all of a sudden the two hands that were just on your shoulders are wrapped around the back of your neck and since you're both too stupid to think about your future, SLAM, your bodies squish up against each other in this big huge moomphal of flesh barely protected by dresses and dress pants and you just stand there wriggling and kissing and until you both are like, "Let's stop. We're getting our faces all wet." And so you pull apart just in time to take a nice long lingering gaze down the pitch black barrel of a motherfucking gun. Way to go, dickheads.

Happy Kissing On The Lips Day!