Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Immerse Yourself And Your Girlfriend In The Christian Faith Day!

Things have pretty much cooled down between you and your girlfriend, and now you're certain that it's only a matter of time and circumstance before she starts cheating on you. But what can you do about it? Girlfriends cheat on boyfriends, they've done it ever since 1996.

But there is a special kind of girlfriend who won't cheat on her boyfriend. She's a christian! And she's been taught that if her skirt ever hits the floorboards of an unknown apartment, she's going to rot in hell when she dies. That'd keep me from handing out my pussy to any pair of khakis with enough spare change to pay for my Michelobe Ultra, lemme tell you Kenneth. Jesus saves.

Christianity will also cut down on your girlfriend's stealing. And I'm not just talking about shoplifting. She'll even believe that taking twenties out of your pants while you're asleep will sentence her to an eternity trying to get a good night's sleep on a bed of hottest hellfire.

But if you really want this to work, you're going to have to pretend that you're way into Christ yourself. A lot of lazy boyfriends have tried to avoid the whole going to church and studying for conifirmation quizzes thing by just saying to their girlfriends, "I sure wish I could honey. But Christianity is a women's religion." Eventually your girlfriend will remember her grandfather saying grace at Thanksgiving or something and she'll know she's been punk'd.

Happy Immerse Yourself And Your Girlfriend In The Christian Faith Day!