Thursday, July 03, 2003

Elevator Action Day!

When you finally arrive at the 21st floor, the doors to the elevator will spread and the gunman will immediately open fire. So right now, you should climb up through the emergency hatch in the ceiling of the elevator. Do it now.

Do you have stable footing on the roof of the car? Great! Get yourself as close to the wall of the shaft as you can without getting snagged on anything jutting out from the wall as the car rises. Once you come to a stop, wait for the gunman to let loose with his barrage of bullets, then waste no time climbing up onto the foot-ledge of the exit to the floor just above you. Once he stops shooting, he'll realize the only way you could have escaped is through the hatch, so he will first shoot up at the ceiling of the car, which is why it is important for you to get on that foot-ledge. That is too tough an angle for him to hit you. And, it will give you a positioning advantage when he climbs up through the shaft after you so you can jump down and snap his neck before he even sees where you were hidden.

Okay, did the gunman open fire? What do you mean, No? He had to have.

You're on the ledge of the exit to the 22nd floor right? Where's the car now? It went back down to the first floor? Oh fuck. And the gunman never opened fire?

Wait, are you at 30 Penn Plaza or 30 Penn Place? OH shit. No no no. You're wife's being held on the 21st floor of 30 Penn Place. 30 Penn Plaza is about to blow. Sorry, yo. Abbreviations.

Okay, you have 30 seconds to get out of the building. Wait for someone to ride the elevator up to the 21st floor and hop back onto the roof, climb into the car and ride back down.

Has the car moved from the lobby yet? No? How about now?

You now have nine seconds to wait for someone to ride the elevator up to the 21st floor, hop onto the roof, climb into the car and ride back down. Has the car moved from the lobby yet?

Mm... Well, I'm out of ideas.

Happy Elevator Action Day!