Ask her how she is.
“Turn yourself in!” she shouts.
Tell her you don’t want to focus on you. You just want to hear about her.
“I’m fine,” she says. “Honey turn yourself in and this can all be over.”
Tell her she always does this. No matter how much you want to really know her, to really see her open up and show herself to you, she never will. She just immediately shifts focus onto you and your report cards and your job interviews and your having been implicated as the ringleader in the biggest bank heist in American history.
“What’s so awful about your life that you want to hide it away in the dark, Ma?” you say.
Your mom tells you that janitor who got burned by the shape charge explosion died yesterday.
“Oh great, now it’s lecture time!”
Happy Call Your Mother Day!