Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Run Away With Your Girlfriend Day!

You shouldn’t leave high school without running away with a girlfriend at least once. If you don’t have a girlfriend, get one. Make sure her parents disapprove of you, and make sure her bedroom window is easily accessible by either a tree branch or a sturdy trellis. After her parents forbid her from seeing you, meet for several late-night make-out sessions in her room or in the dugout of a local little league field. You should one night, under the moon, elope. It’s not official in the eyes of the court or anything so don’t worry that you’ll have to divorce later. But she should go home to her parents and tell them that she’s married to you now. That will make her parents decide to ship her off to either her grandmother’s or a boarding school that will take her in an emergency. On the night before she’s supposed to go away, steal all the money from your parents that you can, go to her bedroom window, and help her down onto the lawn. Then run off into the night and board a bus to the big city (whichever one is nearest to you). You’ll run out of money in minutes, and you’ll get bored with each other because high school age people aren’t interesting. When you do, have her call her parents and tell them to come pick her up. You can either go back to your parents, or stay in the city scraping by to pursue a life of dance or as the underage bar-back at a dinner theater or something. Pack extra socks and underwear.

Happy Run Away With Your Girlfriend Day!