Monday, November 18, 2013

Mom, Dad, Etc. Day!

You’re dreading going home for Thanksgiving because you don’t get along with your parents’ girlfriend. She’s a college girl, about your age, and you can’t help but look down on her for carrying on a sexual relationship with your parents these past couple years. The worst part is Pam gets better grades than you and is on a pre-med track, so you have to deal with your parents bragging about how well she’s doing in school and how glad they are that she answered their ad when they decided to expand their relationship.

Problem is, you really need their attention right now. You’ve been suffering ever since your boyfriend, Henry, broke up with you at the start of the semester. You can’t bear the thought of having to go home and watch your parents fawn all over Pam when you need your mom and dad.

“Pam’s gone,” your mom will tell you over the phone today. “She said she wanted to be with a couple closer to her age.”

“Oh,” you say, trying to stifle your relief. “I’m sorry. I hope you aren’t hurt.”

“We’re not,” your mom says.

“Because I know how that feels,” you say. “I know how hard it can be to feel that kind of loss. I’ve been going through–”

“We’re good, seriously,” your mom interrupts. “We’re seeing someone new.”

“Already?” you ask. “How did you find someone so quickly?”

“Well, our little daughter helped us out in that regard,” your mom says. “Remember that boyfriend you brought home last Spring?”

You don’t have the breath to say his name.

“Henry called us out of the blue,” your mom says. “We hit it off. Is this cool with you, by the way?”

Happy Mom, Dad, Etc. Day!