Monday, November 22, 2004

You Have Seventeen Dollars And Seventeen Kids Day!

You Have Seventeen Dollars And Seventeen Kids Day!

Tell your kids, "I'm gonna go buy seventeen lotto tickets. Each one's gonna have one of your birthdates in the numbers. Whichever of your birthdates shows up on the winning ticket, that's the kid I'll take with me when I leave tonight forever."

The seventeen children say, "But what if none of the tickets win." All seventeen of them say that at once. That's what conversations are like in your house. You against seventeen, every damn word.

In answer, just smile and shrug. Then take off and spend the seventeen dollars on a bus ticket. Your seventeen kids'll spend all day praying that it's their birthday that pops up when the numbers are drawn, and you'll be long gone.

The fun part is, if one of their birthdates do show up in the winning numbers, that kid will spend his life thinking that you won the lotto on his birthdate, but welched on your promise to take him with you. He'll probably spend his late teens and twenties tracking you down. And when he finds you he'll find that you never even bought a ticket. He probably won't kill you, but by then he will have amassed his own wealth. You'll of course con your way into his graces and he'll take you in. What he has planned for you, however, is a truly diabolical act of vengeance. Whether he follows through on his plan depends on whether or not he's his Daddy's little boy.

Happy You Have Seventeen Dollars And Seventeen Kids Day!