Saturday, November 20, 2004

She Had Dirty Hands Day!

She Had Dirty Hands Day!

She was near you at the dinner party when you took out your Altoids, so you offered her one. She flitted her fingers around in the case to get a grip on a couple and then she walked away. You wouldn't speak to her again for the rest of the evening. But you would notice later that many of your mints were smudged black with some sort of soot.

"I gave you an Altoid," you said to her when you met her again four months later. You were at a gallery opening for a friend you didn't like. "At Kathy's Autumn dinner."

"I think I remember that, yes," she said.

"You had dirty hands," you said. "You smudged all of my Altoids with something black."

She laughed. "Oh I'm sorry. I had helped Kathy open the flue to her fireplace as people were arriving. I guess I never got a chance to wash them. I wonder how many hands I shook."

"I had to throw out the Altoids," you said.

She said, "My, you do hold a grudge don't you?"

"I just didn't know what it was," you said.

"Well, I do apologize for my filthy hands," she said. "Now I'd better go and save my boyfriend from that filthy girl he's talking to."

At that she walked across the gallery to a man you didn't know, but who looked like he had some money.

Today you're at work. It's Saturday, but it's overtime. She's outside at the Starbucks in front of the public library where you get your coffee. She's alone, and she's unhappy.

Say, "Dirty hands!"

Join her, ditch work, take her to a movie. Her hands are washed clean of that rich guy you saw her with at the gallery (he left her for someone dim). Invite her to a movie and I promise you'll be leaving your girlfriend for her by Christmas.

Happy She Had Dirty Hands Day!