It was a tough blow when your parents came down to the basement to tell you they're getting a divorce.
"We wanted to wait until you got out of college," your Mom said.
"Then we decided to wait until you finished grad school," your Dad said.
"Then when it was clear you weren't going to get any teaching positions anywhere, we decided to wait until you finished that 14 week coding school," your Mom said.
"Which we also paid for," your Dad added.
Once you were out of coding school, they decided you were mature enough to handle the news of their split.
"But your honor," you say. "It's hard for me to pick one of my parents to continuing living off of since this decision to divorce at this point in my life is so typically selfish of both of them."
"Objection!" both of your parents shout.
"Overruled," the judge says. "Continue."
"Even though I'm done with college and grad school and coding school, my parents know this is a very intense time for me. I'm waiting to iron out the kinks in my new app so I can send it in to the iTunes store and see if they accept it," you explain. "How am I supposed to handle all that stress on top of this new stress of finding out their love is a lie?"
The judge, crying now, asks your parents if they realize what kind of harm they're doing to their 34-year-old son.
Your mom addresses the court. "We considered his feelings your honor, and we weighed them against our desire to live the lives we choose to live before we—"
"His app's stupid!" your dad interrupts.
"It's not stupid!" you shout back. Then to the judge, "It's not stupid, your honor. I put my life into this app."
"He put his life into his app," the judge says, still crying. "Why won't you support him?"
"It's called 'DachHunt.' It's an app that tells you how far you are from the nearest Dachshund," your dad says. "It hinges on Dachshund owners allowing their dogs to be chipped so Dachshund fans can track them down via GPS."
The judge looks your way.
"People love Dachshunds," you shrug. "But they might never have the app they need if I am too emotionally wounded to complete the app and get it to iTunes."
"So your parents aren't hurting only you, but Dachshund lovers everywhere," the judge says, glaring at your parents now.
"This court sucks," your mom says.
"It sucks bad," you dad says.
"Yeah well you suck too," says the judge. "Now then, which parent do you want to continue living off of?"
You think for a second.
"Both," you say. "They can get a divorce but they have to continue living together in my childhood home and let me sleep in the basement until my app is finished."
The judge bangs his gavel.
"You heard the boy," the judge says. "If you don't like it, maybe next time think twice before falling out of love."
Your parents are devastated that they aren't legally allowed to separate but you don't care because you're going away with some friends on a ski trip this weekend.
Happy Tell The Court Which Parent You Prefer To Continuing Living Off Of Until The App You're Developing Gets Accepted Into The iTunes Store Day!
