Sunday, January 08, 2017

Pinch Your Elbow While Saying Goodbye And She'll Be Gone Forever Day!

You meet this genie at a bar and you and him start talking and you hit it off so he gives you one for free.

"One wish?" you ask. "For real?"

The Genie says go for it. Normally you'd have to free him from a lamp but he likes you.

"There's this asshat I can't stop thinking about and I wanna stop thinking about her," you say. "But every time I decide she's out of my head, I bump into her. I want her completely out of my life so I can think about stuff besides her."

The Genie asks what kind of stuff you wish you could think about besides her and you can't think of anything.

"That's the point," you say. "Make her go away and I'll find out."

The Genie says the next time you say goodbye to her, pinch your elbow while you do it.

"She won't die," the Genie says. "She'll still be out there. Somewhere. But your paths will never cross. And you'll never even hear about her through friends. Even though she might be sitting a few rows behind you in a movie theater, you'll never turn your head at the correct angle to catch sight of her."

You ask him which elbow and he says he's not telling.

You bump into her the very next day and your heart shoots out your mouth and she touches your hand once and that spot where she touches it glows you can feel it.

"Okay bye," you say while squeezing your left elbow. You walk away three steps then you turn around but she must have already gone around the corner.

You spend the next few days looking for her just to make sure the spell worked. With every passing hour of not bumping into her, instead of confirming the effectiveness of the spell, it only makes you wonder more and more if you pinched the correct elbow. You haven't seen her yet, sure, but if you didn't pinch the correct elbow she could pop up at any given moment. No matter how long you go without seeing her, you could still bump into her tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or the one after that. If you didn't pinch the correct elbow.

You grow obsessed with finding her. You look for her in crowds. In the windows of office buildings. On the subway. On your television during local news segments. In the reflections in shop windows. On the inside of your eyelids.

"I pinched my left elbow," you tell the Genie after tracking him down at a cigar bar. "Is that the correct elbow?"

The Genie blows some smoke through a smile.

"This is one of those Genie wishes where I wish something and my wish ends up making the opposite happen?"

More smoke, bigger smile.

"I wished she'd disappear from my life but now because I can't be sure if the spell worked, I can't stop wondering if I'm going to see her," you say. "It's worse than before."

The Genie chuckles.

"Best part of this one," the Genie says. "Is if you bump into her, you'll know which elbow is the correct one to pinch. But after searching high and low, when you finally see her again, do you think you'll pinch the correct elbow this time?"

That's how this ends. After about five months you see her at a bar and you two are the only customers there and she's really happy to see you and you're stunned that she's really there. And then you realize that you now know which elbow is the one that works but you probably won't pinch it I mean you spent all that time looking for her even though you tried to make her disappear you two probably aren't supposed to be apart.

Happy Pinch Your Elbow While Saying Goodbye And She'll Be Gone Forever Day!