When Jenny asks you for a cigarette today she'll only be asking you for it because she thinks you look absolutely breathtaking with a cigarette in between your big pink lips and she wants to look like that too.
"I want boys to want me the way they want you," Jenny will say.
Tell her, "Oh then you need the cigarette, definitely."
Explain to Jenny that before you started smoking boys never gave you the time of day. After you started smoking, you were stunned.
"Do you know how many poets go to this school? The minute I started smoking about nine boys started writing the most glorious verse about me. They'd rip the poems out of their notebooks, bloody the back of the pages and stick them to my locker for me to find after 5th period."
Jenny will be hanging on your every word. She'll be ready to strangle you just to get one of those cigarettes in her mouth.
"After you smoke this," tell Jenny. "You should get a day planner. And start telling your parents where you go and who you're with every time you leave the house. Some boys kidnap. Their parents have cabins in the woods and they try to take me up there and lock me away with them so no one else can have me. Boys don't like to share when they find the beauty they believe will save them."
"Oh my God," Jenny will say. "Give me one of those Marlboro reds right now or I think I'll explode."
Hand Jenny her cigarette and tell her, "We have something to celebrate anyway."
Light both of the cigarettes. Let Jenny inhale and feel her life change. Then...
"I'm pregnant and I'm not keeping it!" tell Jenny.
The two of you should jump up and down screaming and smoking.
Happy Cigarette Day!