You are the President of the United States and you can't stop bringing up the irony of you being the leader of the free world with a son who makes a living stealing cars.
"It should be a lesson to the people of this country," you've said in, like, six State of the Union speeches already. "No matter how powerful you are, you can still end up with some part of your life running astray, creeping off into the night, hotwiring Lexuses and driving them onto Russian freighters for a quick eighteen grand, just for the jazz of it. Think about that America."
Your advisers have warned you that the people are getting sick of hearing about your car thief son, and they're all pretty sure that you're proud of him.
"Why not talk about your daughter at Brandeis?"
You shrug. "What's there to talk about? The president's daughter gets good grades. Stop the fucking presses."
Your advisers tell you that the people think you wish you could have been a bad boy like your son, and they're afraid that you might try to fulfill that wish through policy.
"Yeah, right," you say. "Like a subclause in a jobs bill is really going to give me the same adrenaline rush my son probably gets when he jacks a Lincoln."
Your advisers will say that the people are worried that you don't like being president, and that you wish you had the freedom and devil-may-care lifestyle that your son has.
"Tell the people they're right on the damn money," you say.
This afternoon your son is going to appear on TV in another high speed freeway chase, this time he'll be driving a car carrier full of Benzes. You'll be the only one in the country rooting for your son to get away. Everyone else just wants him to go to jail so their president can finally learn that crime doesn't pay, that when you break the law you're eventually going to have the pay the price with your freedom. Lucky for you, he'll make it across state lines just before the police catch up to him, and since you enacted that "No, Seriously, The Cross State Lines And You Can't Get Arrested Anymore Law Is For Real From Now On" law last year solely to help your son stay free, you're not going to have to learn a damn thing today.
Happy The President's Son Is A Car Thief Day!