Sunday, July 29, 2012

Toss The Microchip In The Back Of A Pickup Day!

“Maybe I should pull over!” Adam shouts.

“Fuck no keep driving!” you shout back as you feel the skin along your under-thigh for the little bump.

You and your boyfriend implanted microchips under each other’s skin so your boyfriend can know where you are at all times and you can know where he is at all times, but you just fell in love with a new boy named Adam and decided to leave town and start a new life with him (he’s so pretty) so you’re presently racing down the freeway with your new man, trying to carve under your skin to get the microchip out before your boyfriend pinpoints your location.

“How do you know he’s after us?”

Because you forgot to track him today. You forgot to make sure he was at work before heading back to your apartment to pack your things. You forgot to zero in on his location before you drove over to Adam’s house and kissed him on his front step. You forgot to align the satellites before it was too late.

“He’s been right behind me all day long,” you tell Adam. You have the chip now. It’s deep under there though. You drive the knife into your thigh and crash into a nerve that makes you scream.

“What’ll he do?” Adam asks. “Is he violent?”

“He’s just like me,” you say. “He’s not good with breakups.”

He’ll grind you to little bits with a single pained look. He’ll insist you’re the only thing in his life that doesn’t hurt. He’ll start to cry and you’ll instantly agree to go back to him.

“I’m not good with confrontation,” you say. “Sorry about your seats."

There’s blood everywhere. The knife’s back in.

"Maybe you should just talk this out with him and—”

You scream again. You’re close to the chip but you’re grinding on a bone. You dig your fingers into your skin, screaming and crying and you search for the chip.

“Why did you agree to go along with this chip thing anyway?” Adam asks.

“It was my idea,” you shout.

You finally get the chip in your fingers and pull it from the gaping hole in your leg. You tell Adam to pull up closer to the pickup ahead of you and you toss the chip into the back then Adam takes the exit off the highway.

“Your idea?” Adam says, driving slower on a surface street. “Maybe we’re moving a little too—”

“Are you going to leave me!” you scream. Cry until Adam promises to never, ever leave you no matter what happens and he agrees to prove it by getting chipped as soon as the two of you get across state lines and arrive in your new life together.

Happy Toss The Microchip In The Back Of A Pickup Day!