You really like the new waitress at Patty’s On Main, but you aren’t sure how to tell her how you feel because even if she does share your feelings, you don’t know if waitresses are allowed to tell customers that they care for them while their server number is still active in the kitchen’s computer. The best way to handle this is to go into the bathroom and take off your undershirt, write your name and address on the inside and leave it on the table with your tip. That way when the waitress finds the undershirt, she’ll either throw it away if she doesn’t want to love you, or on her break she’ll bring it into the changing closet and rub it against her face, breathing in your scent, until her eyes spy the scribble of pen on the inside and she sees you’ve left her a small but priceless treasure. Your address! The place where you sleep and where you sing into hairbrushes when you’re happy! The place she’s envisioned in her daydreams while standing in the back waiting impatiently for your order to come up, silently imploring the kitchen staff to cook faster so she can bring your dish to your table and see you again. If she loves you she’ll go to your home tonight and hand you your undershirt, then without asking she’ll insert herself into your embrace and you’ll lead her inside and show her the shelves you cleared off for her in the bathroom medicine cabinet.
Only use your undershirt for this because if she doesn’t care for you, she’ll throw out the undershirt and if you go back the next day and ask her to reimburse you for the undershirt, she might balk.
Finally, if this works out as planned and she does return the undershirt, you must never tell her this was all planned. Waitresses are a surly, streetsmart bunch and when they find out they’ve been tricked, their language turns vulgar and they start stealing from you until they feel the wrong has been made right.
Happy Write Your Name And Address On The Inside Of Your Undershirt, Take It Off And Leave It On The Table So That Maybe The Waitress You Like Will Return It To You In Person After Her Shift Ends Day!