Monday, January 10, 2011

Breakfast With Two Guys You Don't Remember Meeting Day!

You're at a diner in a booth shoveling some French Toast into your hole when you look up and you realize you have no idea who the other two guys at the table are. You were laughing together just a few minutes ago, though you don't remember at what. One of the guys has an eye that's clouding up with blood, and you have bruised knuckles. Yesterday was your daughter's birthday so you went out drinking to forget about the last time you saw her back in 96. That's about all the data you have on the situation right now.

"Where'd you two come from anyway?" ask them.

"Oh thank Christ," the one with the eye will say. "I was worried I was the only one who didn't know who the hell you two were."

The other one, in the Mariners cap, he'll start to chuckle. "I just been sitting here hoping someone I know might come in so I can introduce him to you two, but do that thing where I only give my friend's name and force you guys to introduce yourselves."

"Yeah I do that too," say. "At parties. I'm terrible with names."

"Me too," the eye will say.

"But never this bad," say. "I mean, it's like you two were beamed down here by an alien craft."

You'll all share a moment of silence. Were aliens involved? you'll wonder.

"Let's retrace our steps," the Mariners hat will say.

"Okay," the Eye will say. "Yesterday afternoon I went out drinking. Went to Johnny's Local."

You and the Mariners hat will nod. "Yep, Johnny's Local," you'll both say.

No one will have anything to add.

"Man," the Eye will say. "Guess we had a fun night. This is just like that movie The Hangover!"

"You bet," Mariners hat will say.

"Except I'm 53," you'll say. "I'm around the corner from my one-room apartment, the one I'll probably be found dead in after someone notices an odor, and it's Monday morning. And it's cold."

The Mariners hat will lower his head and his shoulders will shake with sobs. The Eye will just keep eating his breakfast.

"Don't care what you guys think," the Eye will say. "The fact that I can't remember yesterday means I can decide how things went down. And I decide that me and my two new best friends had the most fun three middle-aged guys can have."

The Mariners hat will stop crying. You'll raise your coffee cup for a toast, and you'll all three clink your mugs and agree to meet at Johnny's Local every Sunday afternoon from here on in. Then the police will come and arrest the Mariners cap on an outstanding warrant.

Happy Breakfast With Two Guys You Don't Remember Meeting Day!