Saturday, November 27, 2010

The True Meaning Of Thanksgiving Day!

On the day you discovered the true meaning of Thanksgiving, you woke up at the bottom of a 20-foot pit dug into the floor of a basement. You were naked, the rocks underneath you were cold, and there was a bucket on a rope descending down toward you.

The bucket was being lowered by a man in a burlap mask leaning over the top of the pit. When you asked him why he was doing this to you, he stopped lowering the bucket so that he could lift his burlap mask to reveal the most disfigured, disgusting face you’ve ever seen. Then he continued lowering the bucket.

When the bucket finally landed beside you, you were terrified to see what was inside. Was it lotion to rub on yourself? Acid to throw at your face so you could look like him? You kept your hands over your eyes while the man at the top yelled wordlessly. Then he threw something down at you.

It was a salt shaker.

When you finally looked inside the bucket, you saw a plate overflowing with turkey, stuffing, cranberries, sweet potatoes, the biggest most abundant thanksgiving plate you ever laid eyes on.

You looked up and saw the man had lifted his mask just enough to free his mouth, and he was eating from a plate of his own.

You realized then that you’d only been kidnapped and dropped into that pit because this man was lonely, and he knew that the only way he could avoid another Thanksgiving by himself was to dig a twenty foot pit and trap someone he'd abducted inside it, forcing them to have dinner with him.

You lifted the plate from the bucket and began devouring the food. You had never eaten anything so delicious. Looking back, you're not sure if it was the food you were tasting, or the togetherness, the joy of knowing that just by being there at the bottom of that pit, you made someone feel a little better on Thanksgiving day.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” you shouted up at the man.


When you finished your plate, you asked the man if you could have your clothes back. That's when he started dropping bugs on you and he ordered you to masturbate while he watched or else there'd be more bugs. You did what he said, because you didn't want the bugs. It's been many years now since your first Thanksgiving in the pit, and every day you do disgusting things to yourself so the man at the top of the pit will save you from the bugs. You've come to love this man, not just because he's the one who decides whether you get the bugs or whether you don't deserve the bugs, but because he's the one who, all those years ago, taught you the true meaning of Thanksgiving, which is togetherness.

Happy The True Meaning Of Thanksgiving Day!