You are responsible for the big funny newsman blooper clip of the day. You just finished the 5:30 broadcast, but already people are forwarding to each other the clip of your hilarious blooper, where the weather guy says to you, "So it looks like rain tomorrow, Dan." And you replied, "Pain? I mean rain? Whoops!"
Everyone chuckled a little bit, then you asked, "Rain of blood or tears? Or both? That's my life right there. Crying my eyes out until the tears stop and my eyes have no choice but to reach back into my skull, scratch my brain until the blood starts to flow and pour out my tear ducts just to appease my tear ducts' thirst. Why'd Susanne leave? Hey Susanne, you out there? Why'd you leave? I told you you were my only one, forever and ever amen. Aw God, it's not gonna end is it? Life? Is it Frank?"
Frank the weather guy didn't know what to say. So you walked over and spit in his face.
"This is it, Cincinnati! You want some news, here it is!"
Then you got up on the anchor desk, opened your pants, laid down on your back and started peeing up in the air, aiming your penis until the arc of pee was landing in your own open mouth. Your co-anchor Leslie tried to pull you off the desk, so you took her hand and started slapping your own face with it.
"Fucktastic!" you shouted. Then you stabbed yourself in the heart.
It was classic and everyone who watched it already forgot about it.
Happy Funny Newsman Blooper Day!