Get him a pony. Just walk it in this morning with a big bow and a “Happy Birthday” ribbon around its neck and park it next to you desk. When your boss asks what’s with the pony, tell him he’ll have to wait until the afternoon when it’s cake-time before he gets his gifts.
Your boss will bring you into his office and tell you to get rid of the pony.
“But I bought it for you,” say. “Don’t you want your present?”
Your boss will say that a pony is inappropriate, and he’ll accuse you of trying to imply that he’s childish.
“So I spent 53,000 dollars on your birthday gift and you accuse me of being underhanded?”
Your boss will apologize.
“You’re a real baby, you know that?” you’ll say.
Your boss will say, there, that’s what he’s talking about.
“You want you rattle baby?”
Your boss will tell you that you go a long long way to try to undermine him. Like the time you built a giant crib and put his desk in the middle of it.
“Just because Dad made me President and you Vice President,” he’ll say.
“I’m two years older than you,” tell him. “I will not take orders from my younger brother. This company is called Linus and Sons. Not Linus and One Son Who’s a Little More Important Than The Other Son, Even Though The Other Son Is Older.”
Your boss will throw his pen at the wall and ask what the Pony’s name is.
“I though you could name him,” tell him.
“I want to name him Aragon,” your boss will say.
“Aragon,” you’ll repeat.
“Aragon,” he’ll say again, with majesty.
You’ll both sit quietly, then, “Thank you for my present.”
Just shrug, then lean out his door and whistle. Aragon will come walking into your boss’s office. You’ll go back to your desk and your boss will spend the rest of the day brushing Aragon’s coat.
Happy It’s Your Boss’ Birthday Day!
PS: Preorder Bob Powers' new book, out May 27th!