Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Get Your Algebra Teacher To Fall In Love With Your English Teacher Day!

Your algebra teacher and your English teacher are both bitter, angry individuals who love failing you. You’ve been trying to come up with a way to get both of them off your back, and the most economical way to do that, according to your calculations and your familiarity with classic English literature, is to get them to fall in love.

If they fall in love, you figure, it’s possible that they’ll be happier and they’ll discover there’s more to life than getting on your case because you decided to play Halo instead of read Chaucer or that handout about fractions.

You get them to fall in love by setting a trap wherein you loosen the lug nuts on your algebra teacher’s tires and her car goes off the road. It so happens that that’s the very same road that your English teacher drives home on every night. He’ll recognize your algebra teacher’s car as he passes, and he’ll call a tow truck for her and then let her know the next day that he’s the one who called.

“My hero,” your algebra teacher will say.

They’ll fall in love and spend a few days together before their shared bitterness feeds on itself and they both start to see each other as representative of all that they’ve settled for on the road to becoming public school teachers. They fight until someone says something regrettable and they’re both dead before you can say murder-suicide.

It didn’t quite work out the way you thought, but you’ll still end up with two periods with substitute teachers until the replacements are called in. Congrats, dumbass.

Happy Get Your Algebra Teacher To Fall In Love With Your English Teacher Day!