Wednesday, November 12, 2003

That Kid's Not Gonna Die Day!

He's the one we all look to for hope. We always knew there had to be someone out there who would just by some weird accident or chance of circumstances never ever die. He's Bobby, and he's immortal. Apparently.

See, Bobby has cancer, but he's hanging in there. He's really weak, and vomits constantly the way everyone with cancer is real into doing. When you see him, you'll think "That kid is definitely going to die. And actually, I wanna get outta here because I think it's gonna happen right now." But medical doctors think otherwise.

"That kid is not going to die!" said Dr. Davis, a medical doctor, right after he examined Bobby and, though he found all the telltale signs of a dying boy, nonetheless came to the conclusion that "This kid's got the stuff. He's going to outlive us all. Even our energies that linger in rooms and lead people to believe in ghosts. He'll outlive our energies," Dr. Davis went on to say.

"I concur with Dr. Davis," said Dr. Daniels, also a medical doctor. Dr. Daniels gave Bobby the thoroughest of looksees, and though Bobby had no pulse and his lungs were drowned in bile, Dr. Daniels countered all objections with, "Look, who's the doctor here? Are you a doctor? You? How about you? No? Well then, I guess I'm the only one up in this shit that can say what up. If you shut your fat stinking mortal pieholes for a second I'll explain it in terms even retards like you can understand. Get it? Got it? Fuckin awesome."

All of Bobby's relatives who were gathered around his bed quieted down to listen to Dr. Daniels. The doctor took a deep breath, appeared to be searching for the right words, then just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Check it out. This kid's in it to win it. He was clearly born from a power dark and unholy. Gonna live forever after, yes he is so gonna."

Later, Dr. Dougherty, an additional medical doctor, joined Doctors Davis and Daniels in their optimistic prognosis. "They're right," he said.

What no one realizes is that, though Bobby slips in and out of a feverish coma-like vegetative state only to vomit or shriek in anguish, he can hear what everyone is saying. And he is very excited that he's the kid that's not gonna die.

Happy That Kid's Not Gonna Die Day!