Friday, November 14, 2003

She's Addicted To Drugs Day!

If you're wondering why Marie doesn't seem like herself lately, it's because she's addicted to drugs. Specifically, crystal meth, cocaine, acid, heroin, and alcohol. And marijuana and PCP. And crack.

That's why her eyes are bright red and they sometimes spin in their sockets. That's why she's a gunowner and a reckless one at that. That's why she bought, sold, bought back, and is now looking for a new buyer for that baby Heather. That's why she lives in a puddle of urine on the fourth floor of an abandoned building no one can get into without sticking someone's cock in his or her mouth. That's why she seems so fickle all the time, every day calling you to tell you about the new boy that she's in love with. "No, no, Jason was yesterday. Today, I think Brad is the dreamiest!" And yes, that's why her forearms fell off at the elbow.

You're her friend. She needs your help with this. Get her off of drugs. If she dies, it will be your fault and yours alone.

Happy She's Addicted To Drugs Day!