Tuesday, November 03, 2015

You Sold The Drugs That A Beloved Actor OD’d On Day!

It’s all over the papers.

“Beloved Actor OD’s On Jennifer’s Drugs.”

You try to go about your day but everyone knows. When you drop your daughter off at day care, the other moms are glaring at you.

“Thanks for making movies suck more, Jennifer,” the Day Care Administrator says as she leads your daughter inside.

At the supermarket, the deli guy goes over the quarter pound of ham that you requested.

“Oh I’m sorry,” he says sarcastically. “But then again, you’re no stranger to giving people more than they can handle.”

When you get home your husband is waiting with his bags packed,

“I can’t stay here,” he says. “I loved that one movie he was in with the horse. Now there’ll never be a sequel, because of your drugs.”

You ask him what he’ll live off of.

“I’ll get a job. I don’t wanna live off your drug money.”

You ask what about his daughter.

“Keep her,” he says. “She was raised on drug money.”

Just to get him started, you give him $500,000 in drug money and send him on his way.

“I respect your decision,” you say.

The next day your secretary has lots of messages for you.

“Lots of people want to buy our drugs!” she says. “They think if it killed that one actor it must be good drugs.”

You hire more people, which stimulates the economy and gets you praise in the news as a job creator.

“That worked out,” you say out loud to no one and nothing.

Happy You Sold The Drugs That A Beloved Actor OD’d On Day!