Say, “Boss I think I deserve a little more than what I’m getting, okay?”
Your boss will tense up, getting ready for a tough negotiation. “Okay,” he’ll say. “How much money you want?”
Say, “Don’t want no money. I just want to be touched.”
Your boss will look unsure of how to counter-offer.
“You don’t want an increase in salary?” he’ll ask.
“Nope,” tell him. “I just want to feel the warmth of your hand on my person sometimes. Nothing sexual, necessarily. Just in the morning, maybe you can rest your hand on my back when you stop by my desk to say hello.”
Your boss will hesitate, waiting to see if there’s a catch.
“And maybe,” you go on. “Maybe you could occasionally tousle my hair the way my dad used to. Oh and I want a five-second hug goodbye every single day. A five-second hug and a whisper in my ear that you’ll never forget the time we spent together each day.”
Your boss will think about all of your demands. He’ll weigh your recent job performance against that of your coworkers and try to determine if everything you’re requesting is within the realm of what he thinks you deserve.
Finally, he’ll come back with a counter-offer.
“A three-second hug,” he’ll say.
“Four,” tell him.
He’ll say deal. The two of you will rise and shake on it. Feel his skin, focus all of your attention on that touch. That’s two human beings right there, clasping each in the other’s grip, sharing a moment temporally and physically, reinforcing the belief that both of you really are right there, that this isn’t a dream, all of it is as real as the warmth of your combined body heat. That handshake, that’s all there is isn’t it? All those desks and file cabinets and all the money that comes in and out of that office, there’s nothing real to it. Nothing you can feel. Nothing as real as the touch of a man holding onto another man’s hand.
Happy Ask For A Raise Day!