Tuesday August 07, 2007

A few months ago your Mom stuck a fork into the toaster while hitting the “Whip” button on the blender and she was sent hurtling through time. She came back and told you all about it.

“I met Jimmy Page when he was in high school,” she said. Then she went back in time again because she had a date with Jimmy Page.

It looks like your Mom and Jimmy Page hit it off, even though she was in her early forties when she went back in time to date him. Apparently young Jimmy Page was looking for an older woman in his life.

The problem is, Led Zeppelin sounds weird now. More than half of their songs don’t exist, and the other half sound a little bit like Foghat. Radio stations never say that they’re getting the led out, because that would just announce that they’re about to play a forgettable kind of pop rock. And while it’s not clear that the two are related, Iran is a democracy.

All because your Mom wanted to do it with Jimmy Page more than she wanted to stick around and watch her child grow up. Don’t tell anybody what you know. If the world's population found out they could have had Led Zeppelin if only you were a more enjoyable kid, they'd never stop ritually sacrificing you.

PS: Check out HAPPY CRUELTY DAY! It's the 'Girls Are Pretty' Book and there are only several hundred thousand left. Act now.

Happy Your Mom Is A Time Traveler Day!