Tuesday June 27, 2006

When you and Lionel Babbit were eleven years old, you bet him eight dollars that you would die without having ever loved or been loved romantically. You’re now sixty-one and you’ve lived a quiet and loveless life. If you have taken care to include in your will the details of the wager and the charity that you’d like Lionel Babbit to donate the eight dollars to in your name, end it all tonight. After Lionel is presented with the terms of the will, he will most likely challenge it temporarily so that he may hire a private investigator to locate everyone who has ever been close to you and conduct interviews with them to determine the depth of their relationships with you. But after a year or so when everyone in your life has been interviewed, it will become irrefutable to Lionel that yours was a cold and empty existence, and being a gentleman, he will honor his wager and make a donation in your name of eight U.S. dollars to Planned Parenthood of America.

Happy Win Eight Bucks Day!