Thursday February 09, 2006

Organize a band of shoplifters and safecrackers to go out each day to steal from stores and burgle the wealthy and then take their loot and give it all to the poor. Most of your thieves and safecrackers would kill someone on the spot if he suggested they turn over what they've stolen, so be very convincing or you'll die. Additionally, hire some college educated social workers with some experience in the field who can set up community programs that you can pump your money into. Career minded Outreach programs and drug addiction counseling would be good ones. You don't want to just take a bunch of diamonds and hand them to the first poor people you see. If they have a drug addict or a Mom's New BoyfriendTM in the house, the diamonds will be gone before you can say, "Mom's New BoyfriendTM is gone. Where are the diamonds?!" Remember though, be extremely charismatic when you ask the shoplifters and safecrackers to be your merry band of do-gooders and hand over everything they just risked their third offense conviction to steal. They really will kill you. Thieves hate giving up what they've stolen, and many of them are poor themselves so that help-the-poor argument won't help much.

You're gonna be in the papers (hopefully not under the headline, "Beaten Unrecognizable By Shoplifters")!

Happy Be A Modern Day Robin Hood Day!