Everyone’s been drinking energy drinks for too long. The stuff in those drinks is way weirder than newt eyes and possum tails.
“That was supposed to turn you into a half-bull, half-fish,” you say, your head in your hands after another failure.
“Don’t feel bad,” the kids you kidnapped tell you as they polish off the pitcher of your newest, “strongest” potion. “Homeopathic remedies worked on us for a little while but at this point we need the real stuff. We need science.”
“What now,” you say. “Being a witch is all I know. These potions were my bread and butter.”
And that’s how you’ll embark on a career as the most exciting new mixologist in Brooklyn’s exploding artisan cocktail scene.
Happy Your Magic Potions Don’t Do Shit Anymore Day!