Today you're going to visit a dirty psychic and ask him if you'll ever find love. The dirty psychic will rub his crystal ball and an image of you having sex with a man you've never seen before will appear. You'll be getting it from behind in your bed.
'Does this mean I'm going to fall in love?' you'll ask.
The dirty psychic will shrug. 'Doesn't look like love to me,' he'll say. "Looks kind of angry."
To change the subject, you'll ask the dirty psychic whether you're going to do better financially this year. The dirty psychic will rub his crystal ball and an image of you having sex with a completely different man will appear.
'What's this have to do with money?' you'll demand.
The dirty psychic will point to the man's shoes by the bed. 'Those have to be $600 shoes. Stick with this guy. He's a gravy train.' Then he'll let his mouth hang open while he watches the mystery man go down on you.
'What about my health!' you'll shout, trying to get him onto another topic.
The dirty psychic will rub his crystal ball and an image will appear showing you having sex while your arm is in a cast. You'll be bouncing atop the pelvis of the same man as in the previous image.
'Looks like you'll take a spill,' he'll say. 'But apparently moneybags is sticking around, at least.' Then he'll go quiet while the rich man lifts you up agaist a wall and bounces your body on himself. You'll want to tell the dirty psychic to wash the image away, but it will be really hot and you won't be able to take your eyes off of it either. Once the sex is finished, you'll give the dirty psychic thirty dollars, tell him he's a disgusting clairvoyant, then go home and masturbate to the promise of doing it with that rich guy one day soon. You never thought you could so look forward to getting a broken arm.
Happy Dirty Psychic Day!
