Lately, The Only Time You Put Your Boyfriend Up On A Pedestal Is When You Need To Vacuum Under The Couch Day!
Back in 1999 when you two first started dating, he was up there so much he started complaining about the nosebleeds. It was always, "No darling, don't you worry about a thing. You just plop yourself up on the pedestal and eat this sandwich. I'll go off to work and when I come home I hope you don't mind if I bring some friends and colleagues by to admire you. They'll be quiet."
But the days of giving the baby boy 500 dollars every time you leave the house just to make sure he never wants for anything are long gone. You've been noticing more and more that he has a blemish on his neck and that he eats 40 dollars a week in takeout heroes, which is tiresome because you still can't bring yourself to ask him to work. And that pedestal. The only time it supports anything but your car keys is Saturday evening when it's time to straighten up. But you can't even refer to it as what it once was. You just give him a "Honey, sit on the thingy for a second." And he groans because it's a Barney Miller marathon on TV Land, but you don't love him anymore. Youn don't. You don't love him anymore.
Happy Lately, The Only Time You Put Your Boyfriend Up On A Pedestal Is When You Need To Vacuum Under The Couch Day!